Sigs

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sigsSigs (signatures/handtekeningen) zijn de vaak humoristische quotes/oneliners die mensen onderaan hun email zetten, ze worden ook wel taglines genoemd. Onderaan alle 'sigs' pagina's kun je klikken op 'next' zodat je als je dat wilt eenvoudig alle 'sigs' pagina's achter elkaar kunt lezen. De sigs die ik verzamel zijn allemaal engelstalig en veel sigs hebben iets met computers te maken. Welke sigs je leuk vindt hangt af van je gevoel voor humor en dat is bij ieder mens weer anders.
Vergeet niet om ook een berichtje achter te laten in het gastenboek:

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Sigs: A

AAAAA
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
Ability
Ability is a poor man's wealth. -John Wooden
Abbreviation
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ablaze
Life is ablaze, and you're right there in the flames.
Abort(1)
Abort: To correct a misconception.
Abort(2)
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)oss computer across room?
Abort(3)
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
Abort(4)
A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct?
Abort(5)
(A)bort, (R)etry, (S)mack the frigging thing...
Abortion(1)
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born. -Ronald Reagan
Abortion(2)
Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? -George Carlin
Absence
Absence - that common cure of love. -Lord Byron
Abstract(1)
Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewilderd. -Albert Camus
Abstract(2)
I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it. -Steven Wright
Abuse(1)
I don't like abuse, but I'm very good at it.
Abuse(2)
Avoid alcohol abuse. Be careful with that beer!
Access
ALT-H gives you SysOp access!
Accidents
Accidents cause people.
Accomplishment
It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things. -Leonardo da Vinci
Accurate(1)
Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground.
Accurate(2)
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Aces
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces every time.
Acid(1)
There are three side effects of acid: enhanced long-term memory, decreased short-term memory, and I forget the third. -Timothy Leary
Acid(2)
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.
Acquisition
Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition #084 : A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Action(1)
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Action(2)
Action expresses priorities. -Mohandas Gandhi
Action(3)
Action is the foundational key to all success. -Pablo Picasso
Acting
Acting: The art of keeping the audience from coughing.
Ad
Microsoft's next ad campaign: "Sympathy for the Devil."
Adam(1)
...and Adam asked,"What's a Headache?"
Adam(2)
Adam was Eve's mother.
Adjust
Do not adjust your mind - the fault is with reality.
Adjusted
A well-adjusted person is one who can make the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Adults
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
Administration
Compared to system administration, being cursed is a step up. -Paul Tomko
Admiral
Star Fleet Admiral Q @ your service!
Adult
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Adultry
Thou shalt not admit adultry.
Advantage
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends everyday.
Advertising(1)
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. -Fred Allen
Advertising(2)
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. -Will Rogers
Advice(1)
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde
Advice(2)
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
Advice(3)
Many people are desperately looking for some wise advice which will recommend that they do what they want to do.
Advice(4)
My advice to you is to get married: If you find a good wife, you will be happy; if not, you will become a philosopher.
Advocates
It has always been the policy of the advocates of error, when unable to sustain themselves by sophistry, specious reasoning and false logic, to stigmatize the advocates of truth.
Afraid
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. -Rodney Dangerfield
Afterlife
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. - Douglas Adams
Afternoon
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Again
I say again, "I am NOT redundant!"
Against
I have nothing against MS-DOS, stone knives, or bearskins.
Age(1)
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Age(2)
The appropiate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. -Aristotle
Age(3)
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old. -Mary Schmich
Age(4)
If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. -George Burns
Age(5)
At what age do you think Baby's First Electrodes are a suitable gift? -Hester Duffy
Agnostic
There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know what he believes in. -Monty Python
Agree(1)
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -Oscar Wilde
Agree(2)
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
Agreement
There is nothing more likely to start disagreement among people or countries than an agreement. -E.B. White
AIDS
AIDS is just a virus. Politicians are the punishment from God.
Air
Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.
Airbus
The new Airbus plane, the A380, is capable of holding 800 passengers. Or, 400 Americans. -Jon Stewart: The Daily Show
Alarm(1)
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
Alarm(2)
Alarm clock: A device to wake people without small kids.
Alcohol(1)
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Alcohol(2)
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning. - George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol(3)
Somebody must have put alcohol in our liquor. - Louis Armstrong
Alcohol(4)
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -Homer Simpson
Alcoholic
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
Alert(1)
Cat: Forget red - let's go all the way up to brown alert!
Kryten: There's no such thing as a brown alert sir.
Cat: You won't be saying that in a minute!
Alert(2)
Be alert! The world needs more lerts...
Alimony
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
All(1)
When all else fails, read the instructions.
All(2)
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
All(3)
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Alone(1)
Schizophrenics are never alone.
Alone(2)
You're never alone with a clone.
Alone(3)
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. -Emo Philips
Alphabetically
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. -Casey Stengel
Alter
God cannot alter the past, though historians can. -Samuel Butler
Always
Always think twice. Then take a nap.
Amateur
I used to be an amateur crastinator, but I turned pro years ago.
Amateurs
Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Ambiguity(1)
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Ambiguity(2)
The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. -Alexander Haig
Ambition
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
America(1)
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks. -John Barrymore
America(2)
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde
American(1)
The key to understanding the American system is to imagine that you have the power to make nearly any law you want. But your worst enemy will be the one to enforce it. -Rick Cook
American(2)
We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world. -Dan Quayle
Americans(1)
Americans always try to do the right thing after they've tried everything else. -Winston Churchill
Americans(2)
You have to be sure that the Americans will commit all the stupidities they can think of, plus some that are beyond imagination. -Charles De Gaulle
Amnesiac
A psychic amnesiac knows in advance what he'll forget.
Amount
The amount of time between slipping on the peel and landing on the pavement is precisely one bananosecond.
Anal
We put the "anal" in analysis. -The Daily Show
Analog
The world's an analog stage -- digital circuits play only bit parts.
Anarchism(1)
Anarchism is a game at which the police can beat you. - George Bernard Shaw
Anarchism(2)
Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others. - Edward Abbey
Anarchy(1)
Anarchy, n. Other peoples' freedom.
Anarchy(2)
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
And
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Androids
Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Angels
If men were angels, no government would be necessary. -James Madison
Animal
Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small a pen. Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself. -'The Notebook of Lazarus Long' -Robert Heinlein
Animals(1)
I love animals. They're delicious.
Animals(2)
Melissa: You really love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: if it gets cold enough.
Anonymous
Anonymus is a dead computer from the property room or grey area pawn shop that is attached to a random connection at a large apt. complex that you don't live in connected to the internet by an old account that isn't yours.
Another(1)
Another megabytes the dust.
Another(2)
Is there another word for synonym?
Answer(1)
There's an answer to every problem. Sometimes it's "No".
Answer(2)
The best way to get the right answer on usenet is to post the wrong one.
Answer(3)
Never answer an anonymous letter.
Answers
All answers questioned here.
Antagonisms
Seeing a murder on television can... help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some. -Alfred Hitchcock
Antonym
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're searching for.
Any(1)
What may be done at any time will be done at no time. -Scottish proverb
Any(2)
Press any key... no, No, NO!! Not THAT one!
Anyone(1)
In this country anyone can grow up to be President. That's the risk you take. -Adlai Stevenson
Anyone(2)
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn
Apathy(1)
I'm neither for nor against apathy.
Apathy(2)
I don't know what apathy is, nor do I care!
Apathy(3)
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
Apology
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Appeaser
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile--hoping it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill
Apple(1)
Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. -Bernard Baruch
Apple(2)
An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.
Apple(3)
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, an onion keeps everyone away.
Apple(4)
"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
Application
Application has reported a 'Not My Fault' in module KRNL386.EXE
Appreciate
I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke.
Aptenodytes
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Pluck the Penguins!)
Archaeologist(1)
Archaeologist: Person whose career lies in ruins.
Archaeologist(2)
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interesred he is in her. -Agatha Christie
Argument(1)
You wanted an argument? Oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse. You want room K5, just along the corridor. Stupid git. -Monty Python.
Argument(2)
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Argument(3)
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right. -Lord Hailsham
Argument(4)
Do not mistake an intelligent argument for a correct argument.
Aristotle
Aristotle could have avoided the mistake of thinking that women have fewer teeth than men by the simple device of asking Mrs. Aristotle to keep her mouth open while he counted. -Bertrand Russell
Arm
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
Armed
An armed society... is a POLITE society!
Army
Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Arrogant
I may sound arrogant at times, but that's only because I'm always right.
Art(1)
Erotic art is best interpreted as a Cupid stunt.
Art(2)
Writing about art is like dancing about architecture.
Art(3)
Art is a revolt against fate. -Andre Malraux
Art(4)
"That's not art," the critic said abstractly.
Art(5)
We have art in order not to die of the truth. -Friedrich Nietsche
Art(6)
Art is made to disturb, science reassures. -Georges Braque
Art(7)
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed. -Frank Lloyd Wright
Artificial(1)
Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion.
Artificial(2)
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Artist(1)
An artist is forced by others to paint out of his own free will. -Willem De Kooning
Artist(2)
Every artist was first an amateur. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Artist(3)
I'm not a professional, I'm an artist.
Artist(4)
Graphic Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment.
Artist(5)
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. -Pablo Picasso
Artist(6)
I am an artist ... I am here to live out loud. -Emile Zola
Artists
Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal. -Lionel Trilling
ASCII
ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
Ask
Do not ask what the Government can do for you. Ask why it doesn't. -Gerhard Kocher
Asno
"Mi asno querría un enano y un yate, por favor."
[My donkey would like a midget and a yacht, please.]
Assembler
Todays assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator
Assembly
Some assembly required - like the WHOLE thing.
Associate
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. -Fred Allen
Assumption
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
Atheism(1)
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheism(2)
Calling atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color.
Atheist
Atheist: a person with no invisible means of support.
Atheists
Atheists have nobody to yell to during orgasm.
Atomic
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
Attention(1)
Shh! I have to use my incomplete, divided attention here.
Attention(2)
Don't pay any attention to what they write about you, just measure it in inches. -Andy Warhol
Attention(3)
Pay attention to your enemies for they are the first to discover your mistakes. -Antisthenes
Attitude(1)
I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem!
Attitude(2)
I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!
Attitude(3)
WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Audire
Te audire non possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. (I can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear.)
Authority
A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right.
Avalanche
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
Average(1)
The "decent, average man and woman" are only happy with cookie cutter views matching their own. Controversy offends them.
Average(2)
The average person thinks he isn't. -Father Larry Lorenzoni
Average(3)
The average human has about one breast and one testicle.
Average(4)
The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average guy can see better than he can think.
Average(5)
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
Avril
Avril Lavigne is like the Sid Vicious for the new generation, except without the personality.
Away
Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script.

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