Sigs

Sigs: B

Babies

Abortion opponents love little babies, as long as they're in somebody else's uterus. -Dr. Jocelyn Elders

Baby

A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.

Babysitter

A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

Bachelors(1)

Bachelors know more about women than married men, if they didn't they'd be married too. -H.L. Mencken

Bachelors(2)

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde

Back

Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch!

Backup

Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic.

Backups

Backups are for sissies, real men upload their files to public ftp's and let the rest of the world mirror them. -Linus Torvalds

Backwards

Sdrawkcab is backwards backwards.

Bad(1)

How good bad music and bad reasons sound when one marches against an enemy! -Friedrich Nietzsche

Bad(2)

Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.

Bad(3)

Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.

Bad(4)

Bad Command! Bad, Bad Command! Sit! Staaaaay...

Bad(5)

Bad news: Nature's way of saying: "What's this one smiling about?

Bad(6)

Bad bunnies get more carats.

Bacteria

Support bacteria; it's the only culture some people have!

Back

And now back to your regularly scheduled postings...

Backup

Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?

Balloon

Stock Exchange News: Balloon prices were inflated.

Ball

Most ball games are lost, not won. -Casey Stengel

Balls

If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?

Bangkok(1)

When in Rome do, but when in Bangkok don't.

Bangkok(2)

Old Chinese Proverb: Man who walk through airport turnstile backwards going to Bangkok.

Bank(1)

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. -Bob Hope

Bank(2)

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. -Paula Poundstone

Banker

A banker is e fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -Mark Twain

Bankers

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Barbarous

The manner of their living is very barbarous, because they do not eat at fixed times, but as often as they please. -Amerigo Vespucci

Barium

Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails.

Bathroom

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

Batteries

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. -Steven Wright

Battle

In a battle between you and the world, back the world.

Barney

Jurassic Park II: Barney Goes Off His Medication.

Bartender

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Battle

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. -Henry Kissinger

Be(1)

To be or not to be. That's not really a question. -Jean-Luc Godard

Be(2)

To be is to do. -Immanuel Kant

Be(3)

Be all you could have been - join the Time Commandos!

Beard

A beard covers a multitude of chins.

Beautiful(1)

I think it's a beautiful day to go to the zoo and feed the ducks. To the lions. -Brian Kantor

Beautiful(2)

Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.

Beautiful(3)

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies for instance. -John Ruskin

Beauty(1)

There is no excellent beauty which hath not some strangeness in the proportion. -Sir Francis Bacon

Beauty(2)

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Beauty(3)

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. -Ambrose Bierce

Beauty(4)

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Bed(1)

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -Phyllis Diller

Bed(2)

Don't smoke in bed - the ashes on the floor might be your own.

Beer(1)

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
...and light beer is proof of Satan.

Beer(2)

Life's too short to drink LITE beer!

Beer(3)

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry

Beer(4)

Never take a beer to a job interview.

Beer(5)

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm

Beer(6)

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -David Daye

Beer(7)

Sometimes you get beer, sometimes beer gets you.

Beer(8)

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. -Capitol Brewery, Middleton

Bees

Two bees or not two bees... Oops! Bumbled that one!

Before

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Beginning(1)

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. -Douglas Adams

Beginning(2)

In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said 'Let There Be Light'. And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.

Beginning(3)

In the Beginning was the Command Line.

Behavioral

The behavioral scientist pulls habits out of rats.

Behind(1)

Behind every succesful man there is a woman with nothing to wear.

Behind(2)

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. -Groucho Marx

Behind(3)

Behind every great man is his butt.

Belief(1)

Contrary to popular belief, it is believable.

Belief(2)

It is my firm belief that people should not hold firm beliefs.

Beliefs

Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functioning mind is clinically dead. Believe in nothing. -Maynard James Keenan.

Believe(1)

It is better to believe, than to disbelieve; in so doing you bring everything to the realm of possibility. -Albert Einstein

Believe(2)

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowned us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. -Galileo Galilei

Believe(3)

I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and a Balanced Budget.

Believe(4)

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. -Andre Gide

Believe(5)

For those that believe, no explanation is necessary... for those that don't, none will suffice.

Believe(6)

Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied. -Otto Von Bismark

Belt

Belt your family. It's the law.

Berkeley

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. -Jeremy S. Anderson

Bet

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Beta(1)

BETA TESTERS WHO LIE! On the next Geraldo...

Beta(2)

Beta: Latin for: "still doesn't work."

Better(1)

I'm old enough to know better, but too young to care.

Better(2)

If better is possible, good is not enough.

Beware(1)

BEWARE - Tagline Thief in this echo.

Beware(2)

.sig under construction - beware of falling letters!

Beware(3)

Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Big

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Bigamy

Bigamy: One wife too many. Monogamy: Same idea...

Big Bang

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occured immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, the sound was, "uh oh".

Bill

Can any of you seriously say the Bill of Rights could get through Congress today? It wouldn't even get out of committee. -F. Lee Bailey

Bills

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

Binary

There are 10 types of people in the world today: those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Bingo

Iraqi Bingo: B-52... F-16... M-1... F-18... F-117...

Bird(1)

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Bird(2)

A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.

Bird(3)

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Bird(4)

You know it's going to be a bad day when the bird singing outside your window at daybreak is a buzzard.

Birthday

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Birthdays

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

Biscuits

Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?

Bit

Bit: The increment by which programmers go insane.

Bitter

Excuse me if I sound bitter... I taste that way too.

Blame(1)

When all else fails, put the blame on someone else.

Blame(2)

I don't blame the President. I blame the American people. How can you blame a blind man for wrecking your car after you gave him the keys? -Wanda Sykes

Blame(3)

A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.

Blamestorming

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Blessed(1)

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Blessed(2)

Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for he shall not be dissapointed.

Blog

I've got nothing to say and I'm going to blog it now.

Blonde(1)

Blonde is not a hair color, it is a state of mind.

Blonde(2)

Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!

Blood

Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.

Boats

Don't worry, all boats collect a little water. Take for example the Titanic.

Bobbit

John Bobbit called 911, but was cut off...

Book(1)

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out. -Nora Ephron

Book(2)

Confucius say: Don't judge book by cover, but by how thick it is.

Book(3)

Never judge a book by its movie.

Books(1)

There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books? -Cordelia in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Books(2)

WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS: A Guide to Arab Democracies.

Books(3)

I wrote a few children's books, but not on purpose.

Bookstore

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Bored(1)

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Bored(2)

Bored at work, Bored at home, but at least I have both!

Boredom

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil, no wonder, then that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads. This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world. The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings. -Soren Kierkegaard

Borg(1)

I am Dyslexia of Borg. Your Ass will be laminated.

Borg(2)

My name is Borg - James Borg - licensed to assimilate.

Borg(3)

The Borg assimilated my race, and all I got was this crummy tagline.

Born(1)

We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt. After that, things get worse.

Born(2)

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. -Gracie Allen

Borrow(1)

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.

Borrow(2)

You sure have to borrow a lot of money these days to be an average consumer.

Boss(1)

There is only one boss, the customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else. -Sam Walton

Boss(2)

Boss spelled backwards is "double-SOB".

Boy(1)

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Boy(2)

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. -George Burns

Boy(3)

Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood.

Boys

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. -Ken Hubbard

Boxes

There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, and ammo. Please use in that order. -Ed Howdershelt

Bps

I have a 14400 bps modem and 1.5 bps fingers

Brain(1)

Brain.....The apparatus with which we think that we think.

Brain(2)

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. - Sir George Jessel

Brake(1)

I brake for hallucinations.

Brake(2)

I brake for tailgaters.

Brakes

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Breakfast

Breakfast is the most important part of the day; if you are not home by then, you are in deep trouble.

Breasts(1)

I mean that some women are grateful when men talk to their breasts because it's the closest they get to conversation. -Jennie Kermode (alt.gothic)

Breasts(2)

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. -Dave Barry

Bright

Looking on the bright side may damage your eyesight.

Broadcast

Broadcast on all frequencies and all known languages, including Welsh. -Rimmer, Red Dwarf

Broads

Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.

Broke

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Broken

If it ain't broken yet, it might be foolproof for a while.

Broker

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Buddha

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it - even if I have said it - unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. -Buddha

Buddhism

Buddhism has the caracteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology: it covers both the natural and the spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. -Albert Einstein

Buddhist

Buddhist to hotdog vendor:"Make me One with everything."

Budget

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Bug(1)

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Bug(2)

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. -Bruce Brown

Bug(3)

That's not a bug. It's an undocumented feature.

Bug(4)

This could be seen as a bug or a feature... how Microsoft do you feel today?

Bugs(1)

My software never has bugs. It just develops exciting new random features.

Bugs(2)

Once we have all the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on flat bugs.

Bugs(3)

Whatsup.doc tells you how to get rid of Bugs.

Building

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. -Dave Barry

Buildings

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Bullet

It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.

Bunny(1)

(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination.

Bunny(2)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Burdens

People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them. -George Bernard Shaw

Bureaucracy

Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible.

Bureaucrats

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Burning

If it's burning, it's most likely a hardware problem.

Bury

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines - Frank Lloyd Wright

Bus

BUS STOP: Where the I/O gets off.

Business

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that's working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he'd do it. In government, you don't have to worry about that. -George P. Shultz.

Busy

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. -Confucius

Butt

A smart man covers his butt, a wise man simply leaves his pants on. -C.D. Bailey

Buy

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty. -Joe E. Lewis

Byte(1)

Computer programmers know where their next byte is coming from.

Byte(2)

Don't byte off more than you can view.