Sigs

Sigs: E

Eagles

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Ear

If you hold a hard drive to your ear, can you hear the C:

Early(1)

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.

Early(2)

MANIAC - An early computer built by nuts.

Ear

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -Rita Rudner

Early

But what about being the early WORM???

Ears

"Captain, I cannot believe my ears!" - Spock

Earth(1)

How inappropriate that this planet be called Earth, when it should clearly be called Ocean. -Arthur C. Clarke

Earth(2)

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual trip around the sun.

Earthquake

Earthquake predictors are always finding faults.

Easier

It is easier to be critical than to be correct.

Easy(1)

I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.

Easy(2)

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

Eat(1)

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Eat(2)

You can't eat your friends and have them too.

Eat(3)

Eat right, exercise... and die anyway.

Eat(4)

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.

EBCDIC

EBCDIC: Erase, Back up, Chew Disk, Ignite Card

Eccentric

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. -Bertrand Russel

Economics

Economics is useful as a form of employment for economists.

Economist

In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry where the next meal would come from. -Peter S. Drucker

Economists(1)

Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -Edgar R. Fiedler

Economists(2)

Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

Edit

Edit. Assemble. Link. Run. Curse. Boot.

Editing

Editing is a rewording activity.

Educated

It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -Aristotle

Education(1)

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. -Will Durant

Education(2)

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. -Albert Einstein

Education(3)

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. -Oscar Wilde

Education(4)

Education has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. -G.M. Trevelyan

Education(5)

Education is about knowing where to look for answers.

Effect

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Efficiency

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

Egg

Pity the poor egg; It only gets laid once in its life.

Eggs

When walking on eggs don't hop, skip or jump.

Egotist

Egotist, n. Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Egyptian

Egyptian men are always on the lookout for prospective mummies.

Eight

And on the eight day God said, "O.K. Murphy, you take over."

Eject

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Election

Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. -H.L. Mencken

Electric

An electric engineer deals with current events.

Electricity(1)

Electricity is two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it. -Stephen Leacock

Electricity(2)

Electricity is really just organized lightning. -George Carlin

Electron

Someone just stole my electron! Are you sure? Yes, I'm positive.

Elements

Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity

Elephant(1)

Elephant: Mouse built to government specs.

Elephant(2)

An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.

Elevators

Stock Exchange News: Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Elitist

No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant?

Else

If all else fails, lower your standards.

Elves

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Email

Avoid junk email. Use an unlisted COM port address!

Emblem

The U.S. Government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance... A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're being screwed.

Emergency

In case of emergency, break glass, scream, bleed to death.

Emotions

Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. -Carl Sagan

Empire

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.

End

At the end of the game, the pawn and the king go back in the same box.

Ends

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. -Herbert Hoover

Enemies

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? -Abraham Lincoln

Enemy(1)

Wise enemy is better than a foolish friend. -Azerbaijani proverb

Enemy(2)

If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum. -Chinese Curse

Enemy(3)

The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy. -Friedrich Nietsche

Enemy(4)

The enemy of art is the absense of limitations. - Orson Welles

Energy

Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.

Engineers(1)

Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineers(2)

What do computer engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.

English(1)

A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.

English(2)

Whoa lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English. -Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element

English(3)

I'm English. I can't accept happiness that easily. There's got to be a trick in there somewhere. -David Bowie

Enjoy

He that will enjoy the brightness of sunshine, must quit the coolness of the shade. -Samuel Johnson

Enough(1)

There is never enough beer, sex, or disk space!

Enough(2)

You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough. -James Agee

Enough(3)

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Enter(1)

We all enter the world in the same way... screaming... soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.

Enter(2)

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Enter(3)

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. -Dan Quayle

Entropy

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Enumerations

There are two types of enumerations: correct ones, that state what they are about to enumerate and then contain the correct number of items.

Envelope

A self-adressed envelope would be adressed, "envelope."

Environment

I think the environment should be put in the category of our national security. Defense of our resources is just as important as defense abroad. Otherwise what is there to defend? -Robert Redford

Equal

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. -Timothy Leary

Equality(1)

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die. -Bob Dylan

Equality(2)

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Equations

Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity. -Albert Einstein

Err(1)

To err is human. To really screw it up takes a computer!

Err(2)

To err is human. To purr, feline.

Err(3)

To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.

Error(1)

SYSTEM ERROR # 1303: Power NOT on!

Error(2)

Error 404: Fortune not found.

Error(3)

FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing.

Error(4)

Error reading FAT table. Try SKINNY one (Y/N)?

Error(5)

User error: replace user and press any key to continue.

Error(6)

Windows Error: 004 -- Operator fell asleep while waiting.

Error(7)

SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue.

Error(8)

Error: REALITY.SYS not found, install TREK.SYS? (Y/N)

Error(9)

PARODY ERROR: Cannot locate file WEIRD_AL.EXE

Error(10)

At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

Error(11)

Drive C: Error, (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (K)ick, (S)cream?

Error(12)

System error, strike any user to continue.

Estrogen

Women speak in estrogen and men listen in testosterone.

Eunuch

Eunuch required, apply without.

Eunuchs(1)

Eunuchs of the world unite - you have nothing to lose.

Eunuchs(2)

Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS

Evangelists

Evangelists do more than lay people...?

Even

Getting even produces odd results.

Everybody(1)

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Everybody(2)

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everyone(1)

If everyone lived forever, where would we all park?

Everyone(2)

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous: everyone hasn't met me yet. -Rodney Dangerfield

Everyone(3)

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Everyone(4)

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Everyone(5)

EVERYONE is weird. Some of us are proud of it.

Everything

If you had everything, where would you keep it?

Evidence

A mistake is evidence that someone has tried to do something.

Evil(1)

Evil flourishes when good men do nothing.

Evil(2)

Sometimes, Evil drives a mini-van. -Desperate Housewives

Evil(3)

To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it. -Ayn Rand

Evils(1)

If you lost your left arm, your right arm would be left.

Evils(2)

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henry Youngman

Evolution

Evolution: God's way of issuing updates.

Exaggeration

It's no exxageration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another. -George Bush

Excellence

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -Aristotle

Excess

Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks! - Robert A. Heinlein

Exercise

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Excuse

Excuse me for butting in, I'm interrupt-driven.

Excuses

He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

Exhilarating

There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. -Winston Churchill

Exit

Error:015 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Exorcist(1)

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

Exorcist(2)

I saw The Exorcist three times. I don't know what possessed me.

Expectancy

Cally: 'On my planet there is a saying -- the man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken'
Avon: 'Life expectancy must be fairly short among your people'

Expenses

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Experience(1)

Experience: Knowing a lot of things you shouldn't do again.

Experience(2)

Experience: Something you don't get until just after you need it. -Olivier

Experience(3)

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again, and that is well; but she will also never sit down on a cold one either. -M. Twain

Experience(4)

A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.

Experience(5)

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -F.P. Jones

Experiment(1)

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Experiment(2)

A theory can be proved by experiment, but no path leads from experiment to the birth of a theory. -Albert Einstein

Expert(1)

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.

Expert(2)

Any given expert has an equal and opposite expert.

Expert(3)

An expert will always state the obvious.

Experts

We're the technical experts. We were hired so that management could ignore our recommendations and tell us how to do our jobs. -Mike Andrews

Explain

You never have to explain things you never said.

Exploit

The more we exploit nature, the more our options are reduced, until we have only one: to fight for survival.

Exploitation

Capitalism is the expoitation of man by man. Communism is the exact opposite.

Express

Never express yourself more clearly than you think. - N. Bohr

Extort

Never try to extort more than it would cost to have you killed.

Eye

An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind - Mohandas Ghandi

Eyes

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

Eyewitness

Hearing 2 eyewitness accounts of a car accident makes you wonder about history.