Sigs

Sigs: R

Racing

Horse racing is the sport of kings, drag racing the sport of queens.

Racist

The modern definition of a racist: someone who is winning an argument with a liberal. -Peter Brimelow, Alien Nation.

Radical

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. -Samuel Clemens

Rain

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Raise

Never raise your hand to your children, it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Raisins

California Raisins Murdered: Cereal Killer Suspected.

Random

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

Rant

I rant, therefore I am. -Dennis Miller

Rapture

In case of rapture, please grab the wheel.

Rasputin

Rasputin: Jack of All Trades - Master of Nuns.

Rat

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -Lily Tornlin

Rational

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.

Rats

It's bad enough that life is a rat-race, but why do the rats always have to win?

Raven

Raise a raven, and it will peck out your eyes. -Spanish proverb

Read(1)

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

Read(2)

To read makes our speaking English good. -Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Read(3)

If you believe everything you read, better no read. -Japanese Proverb

Read(4)

Why Johnny Can't Read -- Now available on VHS...

Reality(1)

Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

Reality(2)

Reality.sys corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N)

Reality(3)

Those who would alter reality must first escape it.

Reality(4)

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. -John Lennon

Reality(5)

Art must take reality by surprise. -Françoise Sagan

Reality(6)

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -Albert Einstein

Reality(7)

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. -Robin Williams

Reality(8)

Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.

Reality(9)

Reality is an illusion... caused by a deficiency in alcohol.

Reality(10)

Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

Reality(11)

Reality is directly proportionate to how creative you are.

Rear

Go ahead and rear end me, I am a lawyer.

Reason(1)

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. -Phyllis Diller

Reason(2)

Those who will not reason are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. -Lord Byron.

Reasonable(1)

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw

Reasonable(2)

Be reasonable... let's do it my way.

Reasons

A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.

Reboot

The reboot: useful with Linux but not really necessary. Essential with Windows but not really useful.

Recession

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. -Harry S. Truman

Record

The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

Recursion(1)

I don't like recursion, because I don't like recursion.

Recursion(2)

To know recursion, you must first know recursion.

Recursive

Recursive, adj.: see Recursive.

Recycle

RECYCLE YOURSELF! - BE AN ORGAN DONOR.

Redundancy(1)

Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!

Redundancy(2)

Redundancy is a great way to introduce more single points of failure.

Regret

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. -Woody Allen

Rehab

Rehab is for Quitters.

Reincarnation

Reincarnation is making a comeback!

Relativity

Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore. -Albert Einstein

Reliability

Cunningham's Third Law:
The reliability of a complex system is inversely proportional to the contactability of the person who knows most about it.

Religion(1)

We have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love one another. -Jonathan Swift

Religion(2)

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. -Jon Stewart: The Daily Show

Religion(3)

Sex is my religion, let us pray.

Religion(4)

And what if we've picked the wrong religion? Every week we're just making God madder and madder!

Religion(5)

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect this theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart. - H.L. Mencken

Religion(6)

The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Remember

As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Remind

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

Renaissance

Gays started with the Renaissance. It was probably two gays at a party saying, 'Wouldn't it be fun to make religious paintings of hot naked guys, and sell them to churches? Oh, that would be a hoot!' -Bob Smith

Repair

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Repeat(1)

To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains. -Mary Pettibone Poole

Repeat(2)

Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP.

Repeat(3)

Programmers don't repeat themselves, they LOOP.

Report

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read. -Winston Churchill

Republic(1)

The difference between a republic and a people's republic is a lot like the difference between a jacket and a straight jacket. -Ronald Reagan

Republic(2)

The American Republic will endure, until politicians realize they can bribe the people with their own money. -Alexis de Tocqueville

Republican

As an unwavering Republican, I have quite naturally burned more books than I have read. - Betty Bowers

Requests

I don't normally do requests, unless I'm asked to.

Research(1)

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Research(2)

Science research is the art of devising solutions to problems we don't have and hope not to have. -Ronaldo Menezes

Research(3)

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it? -Albert Einstein

Research(4)

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Research(5)

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -Wernher von Braun

Research(6)

Enough research will tend to support any theory.

Resist

I can resist everything except temptation.

Resistance(1)

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Resistance(2)

Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)

Resolved

I have resolved all! The demon funzia to the perfection, the plugin is all installs to you! -Google translator

Return

We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.

Revolt

Inferiors revolt in order that they may be equal, and equals revolt that they may be superior. -Aristotle

Revolutionary

Revolutionary: Disk drives go round and round.

Rhetorical

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Rice

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. -Mitch Hedberg

Rich(1)

It's better to live rich than to die rich.

Rich(2)

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.

Rich(3)

I'd like to be rich but it's too expensive.

Rich(4)

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Ridicule

To ridicule philosophy is really to philosophize. -Pascal

Right(1)

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Right(2)

I don't really care about being right you know, I just care about success. -Steve Jobs

Right(3)

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. -Hubert Humphrey

Right(4)

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Right(5)

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. -Rita Rudner

Right(6)

The problem with being right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Righteous

People are divided into two groups, the righteous and the unrighteous, and the righteous do the dividing. -Lord Cohen

Rights(1)

Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law. - Ayn Rand

Rights(2)

The Bill of Rights - Void where prohibited by Law.

Road(1)

If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.

Road(2)

The road less taken is less taken for a reason.

Roll

I was on a roll, until I slipped on the butter.

Rome(1)

When in Rome, overthrow the Romans.

Rome(2)

Rome was not built in a day, probably because IBM was in on the job.

Roof

If your wife wants to throw you off the roof, try to find a low one. -Spanish proverb

Rope

Don't talk about rope in a hanged man's home. -Spanish proverb

Rorschasch

Let's get the hell out of here while we can still pass our Rorschasch tests.

Roses(1)

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But not this.

Roses(2)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most sigs are funny
This one isn't.

Roses(3)

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base are belong to you.

Rough

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. -Rodney Dangerfield

Rude(1)

Rude alert, rude alert. An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle. Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop. This is not a daffodil, repeat this is not a daffodil. -Holly, Red Dwarf

Rude(2)

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

Rule

Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.

Rulers

What luck for rulers that men do not think. -Adolf Hitler

Rules(1)

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Rules(2)

You are remembered for the rules you break. -Douglas MacArthur

Rumour

Trying to squash a rumour is like trying to unring a bell.

Run(1)

Confucius say: He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Run(2)

Gotta run. My neighbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles.

Running

TV Truth: If a woman is running, she will trip and fall.

Runway

Wow, short runway... but just look how WIDE it is!

Rush(1)

Why is it called "rush hour" if it's so damn slow?

Rush(2)

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

Russians

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. -Emo Philips