Sigs

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sigsSigs (signatures/handtekeningen) zijn de vaak humoristische quotes/oneliners die mensen onderaan hun email zetten, ze worden ook wel taglines genoemd. Onderaan alle 'sigs' pagina's kun je klikken op 'next' zodat je als je dat wilt eenvoudig alle 'sigs' pagina's achter elkaar kunt lezen. De sigs die ik verzamel zijn allemaal engelstalig en veel sigs hebben iets met computers te maken. Welke sigs je leuk vindt hangt af van je gevoel voor humor en dat is bij ieder mens weer anders.
Vergeet niet om ook een berichtje achter te laten in het gastenboek:

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Sigs: D

Dachshund
Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long.
Damage
Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some.
Dance(1)
Human beings, vegetables, or comic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible player. -Albert Einstein
Dance(2)
"I dance at a topless club," the girl said barely.
Danger(1)
I laugh in the face of danger! Then I ... hide until it goes away. -Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Danger(2)
DANGER! Human at keyboard!
Danger(3)
Danger! 1,000,000,000 Ohms! Do Not Enter!
Dangerous(1)
Nobody is more dangerous than he who imagines himself pure in heart; for his purity, by definition, is unassailable. -James Arthur Baldwin
Dangerous(2)
Nothing in the world is more dangerous than the sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. -Martin Luther King
Dangerous(3)
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
Dangle
Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. -From the manual for a Silicon Graphics workstation
Dark(1)
Come to the dark side... we have cookies.
Dark(2)
I found my way in the dark by bouncing off sharp objects, as I expect we all do. -Algis Budrys
Darkest
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
Darkness
When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout.
Dating
Dating Tip: Real women don't deflate when you bite them.
Dave
What are you doing, Dave? -HAL, 2001
Dawn(1)
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Dawn(2)
Dawn is nature's way of telling you to go to bed.
Day(1)
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. - Sir Winston Churchill
Day(2)
Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats.
Day(3)
A day without sunshine is like night.
Days
The days of good English has went.
Dead(1)
Only the dead have seen the end of war. -Plato
Dead(2)
He's DEAD, Jim. You grab his tricorder, I'll get his wallet.
Dead(3)
He's not dead, Jim, he's metaphysically challenged.
Dead(4)
They say you shouldn't say anything about the dead unless it's good. "He's dead. Good."
Dead(5)
He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder.
Dead(6)
The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive. -Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket
Dead(7)
She's dead, Jim, but still warm, let's flip a coin.
Deadlines
I love deadlines. I love the whoosing sound they make as they fly by. -Douglas Adams
Deaf
Confucius say: Deaf husband and blind wife make happy couple.
Death(1)
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
Death(2)
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Death(3)
There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. -Guy Almes
Death(4)
Dear, it's a Mr. Death, he's come about the reaping?
Debate(1)
Attempting to debate with a person who has abandoned reason is like giving medicine to the dead. -Thomas Paine
Debate(2)
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it. -Joseph Joubert
Debrief
Debrief: Wife listening while you talk in your sleep.
Debugging
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. -Brian W. Kernighan
Decide
I have to decide between two equally frightening options. If I wanted to do that, I'd vote. -Duckman
Decision
Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.
Decisions
It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. -Thomas Sowell
Deer
Warning: I brake for lawn deer.
Defense(1)
The best defense is to stay out of range.
Defense(2)
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
Degenerate
Our earth is degenerate in these latter days, bribery and corruption are common, children no longer obey their parents and the end of the world is evidently approaching. -Assyrian clay tablet 2800 B.C.
Deja(1)
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Deja(2)
Deja Goo: The feeling that you've stepped in this before.
Delete
Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.
Delusion
When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. - Robert M. Pirsig
Demand
I demand to be loved.
Democracy(1)
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. -Johnny Carson
Democracy(2)
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. -H.L. Mencken
Democracy(3)
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote. -Benjamin Franklin
Democracy(4)
Democracy is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequal alike. - Plato
Democracy(5)
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Democracy(6)
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. -George Bernard Shaw
Democracy(7)
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. -Lawrence J. Peter
Democracy(8)
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. -H.L. Mencken
Democrat
Vote Democrat - it's easier than working.
Demons
Demons are a Ghoul's best friends.
Denial
Denial: Not just a river in Egypt.
Dentist
Is my dentist not bound by the Geneva Concention? -Gerhard Kocher
Deposit
Even a pigeon can make a deposit on a Mercedes!
Depressed
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. -Elaine Boosler
Depression
Depression is merely anger without enthousiasm.
Depths
When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet. -Chinese Proverb
Descartes(1)
Descartes thought he was here.
Descartes(2)
Descartes of Borg: We assimilate. Therefore, we are.
Desert
What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well. -The Little Prince, Chapter XXIV
Desire
It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied and most men live only for the gratification of it. -Aristotle
Desk(1)
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Desk(2)
A desk is a dangerous place from which to view the world. -Le Carre
Despite
Despite the high costs of living, it remains popular.
Determined
Besides, the determined Real Programmer can write FORTRAN programs in any language.
Detour
Detour: The roughest distance between two points.
Devil
Where the devil cannot go, he will send a woman. -Polish proverb
DeYahoo
DeYahoo: The feeling you've searched the web for this before.
Diagnostics
Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
Dial
We ran out of dial tone and we're waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
Die(1)
One of the few good things about modern times: if you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us. -Kurt Vonnegut
Die(2)
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owned me a lot of money. -Jack Handey
Die(3)
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
Diet(1)
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Diet(2)
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. -Joe E. Lewis
Diet(3)
My hard drive went on a crash diet, and lost its FAT.
Dieting
Dieting: Wishful shrinking.
Difference(1)
The difference between theory and practice in practice is bigger than the difference between theory and practice in theory.
Difference(2)
Apparently the difference between a stink bomb and a level 3 toxic biohazard is two extra drops of sulfur tetraoxide. I am totally suing that Web site. -Lois, Malcolm in the Middle
Difficult
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person; they'll find an easier way to do it.
Dijon
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Dime
Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Dimple
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -Stephen B. Leacock
Ding
I want to put a ding in the universe. -Steve Jobs
Dinner(1)
Dinner not ready: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)izza.
Dinner(2)
Well, dinner would have been splendid... if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess. - Winston Churchill
Dinosaurs
Dinosaurs do it extinctively.
Diplomacy(1)
Diplomacy: the art of letting someone have your way.
Diplomacy(2)
Diplomacy: Saying "nice doggie" until you find a big rock.
Diplomat
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -Robert Lee Frost
Direction
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. - Douglas MacArthur
Disc
Disc space, the final frontier!
Disclaimer
DISCLAIMER: I have nothing to do with anything at all. PERIOD.
Disco(1)
A lifetime of disco music is a high price to pay for one's sexuality. -Quentin Crisp
Disco(2)
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Discontent
Discontent is the first necessity of progress. -Thomas A. Edison
Discovery
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. -Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
Discuss
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
Disneyland
Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
Dispersal
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Distance(1)
Short Cut: The longest distance between two points.
Distance(2)
Viewed from a sufficient distance, all systems of philosophy are seen to be personal, temperamental, accidental, and premature. -George Santayana
Distance(3)
Everything is within walking distance if you have the time. -Steven Wright
Distinguished
When a distinguished scientist states something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Distrust
I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. -Susan B. Anthony
Divorce
Ah, yes, divorce... from the latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams
DIY
It has always p*ssed me off somewhat when people said they were into DIY until they realised that they had to do everything themselves. -Amon Zero
Do(1)
Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. - George Bernard Shaw
Do(2)
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
Do(3)
To do is to be. To be is to do. Do be do be do.
Do(4)
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Docs(1)
Docs? Why look at the Docs? Nurses are better!
Docs(2)
Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200!
Doctor
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German proverb
Doctors
10 out of 5 doctors think it's OK to be schizophrenic.
Documentation
Documentation: The worst part of programming.
Dog(1)
If you want the dog, accept the fleas. -Spanish proverb
Dog(2)
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
Dog(3)
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Marx
Dog(4)
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. -Josh Billings
Dogmatism
Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth.
Dogmatist
The dogmatist within is always worse than the enemy without. -S.J. Gould
Donkey
Who's born as donkey can't die as horse. -Italian proverb
Door(1)
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. -Alexander Graham Bell
Door(2)
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. -Chinese proverb
DOS(1)
Southern DOS: "Y'all reckon?" [Yep/Nope]
DOS(2)
Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename.'
DOS(3)
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something.
Doubt(1)
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Doubt(2)
I doubt therefore I might be.
Down(1)
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Down(2)
He that is down needs fear no fall.
Down(3)
Down with gravity
Draftees
The best draftees are married men, they take orders.
Draw
First draw the curve, then plot the data.
Dream
All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals. -Homer Simpson
Dreaming
Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get you thrown in jail if you really tried them.
Dreams(1)
When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.
Dreams(2)
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. -Paul Valery
Dressed(1)
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Dressed(2)
You're never fully dressed without a smile.
Drink(1)
I have a drink problem - I can't afford it.
Drink(2)
I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan
Drink(3)
Drink all you can now because after college, it's called alcoholism.
Drink(4)
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -W.C. Fields
Drive(1)
Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
Drive(2)
If your wife wants to learn to drive don't stand in her way.
Driver
A better driver is one with a police car behind him.
Drug(1)
A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like ab asshole. -Frank Zappa
Drug(2)
I used to have a drug problem but now I make enough money. -David Lee Roth
Drug(3)
Have you drug tested YOUR legislators lately?
Drugs
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!
Drunk(1)
Take me drunk, I'm home
Drunk(2)
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Duct
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. -Oprah Winfrey
Dumb(1)
There's no such thing as a dumb question, just dumb people.
Dumb(2)
If you are going to be dumb, you better be tough.
Duplex
WWhhaatt ddooeess ""DDUUPPLLEEXX"" mmeeaann??
Dwarf(1)
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Dwarf(2)
Lustful Gypsy dwarf: Small medium enlarged?
Dyke
I read that a big earthen dyke crumbled in Utah. Don't laugh. I knew her. -Karen Ripley
Dynamic
DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Dyslexic(1)
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He had trouble sleeping at night, wondering if there was a dog.
Dyslexic(2)
I used to be dyslexic. But I'm yako now.
Dyslexic(3)
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Dyslexics(1)
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Dyslexics(2)
Dyslexics of the world, untie!

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