Sigs

Sigs: W

Wagner

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Wait(1)

All computers wait at the same speed.

Wait(2)

Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Wait(3)

Microsoft's new slogan: "Wait for us! We're the leaders!"

Walk

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

Walks

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. -Noel Coward

War(1)

War doesn't determine who's right, but who's left.

War(2)

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. -Ambrose Bierce

War(3)

Religious War: Two or more groups of people killing each other to prove who has the best imaginary friend.

Warm

Ivana: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin: I can guess, baby.
Ivana: We play chess.
Austin: I guessed wrong.

Warning(1)

WARNING... drinking tap water may kill your thirst.

Warning(2)

Warning! COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded.

Warning(3)

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

Warrior

The basic difference between an ordinary person and a warrior is that a warrrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary person takes everything as a blessing or a curse. -Carlos Castaneda

Wars

You don't win wars by dying for your country. You win by making the other poor bastard die for his country.

Was

I was intelliguntly desined.

Wash

Wife: Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom? Bobby Grady: No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers.

Waste

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. -Dan Quayle

Watch

It is better to watch things than to do them. -Homer Simpson

Water

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. -W.C. Fields

Way(1)

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Way(2)

The way to succeed is to double your error rate. -Thomas J. Watson

We

We are the people our parents warned us about. -Jimmy Buffett

Weak

People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage others.

Weapons(1)

Instead of trying to build bigger and better weapons of mass destruction, shouldn't we be trying to get better use of the ones we've already got...

Weapons(2)

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and bones. -Albert Einstein

Weary

Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise.

Weather

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

Web(1)

The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.' -Rich Jeni

Web(2)

Think of the Web as a big bathroom wall. And everyone has a marker.

Website(1)

Every fleeting thought you've ever had in your life, no matter how bizarre, is someone's lifelong obsession. And he has a website. -Skif's Internet Theorem

Website(2)

For every subject you can think of there are at least 3 web sites. The owners of these web sites know each other and at least one of them hates at least one of the others. -mnlooney's view of Skif's Internet Theorem

Wedding

Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.

Weight

I am a little underweight for my weight.

Weird

People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. -Dan Quayle

Weirdness

Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why. -Hunter S. Thompson

Welcome(1)

Welcome to DALNet! Where the men are men, the women are men, and the teenage girls are undercover FBI Agents! -DALNet IRC Welcome Message

Welcome(2)

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts. -Dan Quayle

Well

All's well that ends. - a programmer's proverb.

Wet

I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini. -Alexander Woolcott

Whales

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

What

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Wheels

The Wheels of progress are turned by cranks.

Where(1)

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

Where(2)

Where the f**k did I put my Ginkgo Biloba?

Whole

The whole is the sum of its parts, plus one or more bugs.

Whores

Whores are the most honest girls. They present the bill right away. -Alberto Giacometti

Wife(1)

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -Rodney Dangerfield

Wife(2)

How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?

Will(1)

Where there's a will, there's a beneficiary.

Will(2)

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license. -P.J. O'Rourke

Will(3)

Writing a will is a dead give away.

Will(4)

When there's a will, I want to be in it!

Willpower

Willpower is the ability to eat one salted peanut.

Win(1)

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Win(2)

If you can't win with reason go for volume. -Calvin

Wind

Confucius say: Man pees in wind, wind pees back.

Windows(1)

Windows is just another pane in the glass.

Windows(2)

Running Windows is still better than washing them.

Windows(3)

Windows for Workgroups: Why crash just 1 window when you can crash 6?

Windows(4)

Windows gives you a nice view of clouds so you can't see any potentially useful boot time messages. -Bill Hay

Windows(5)

When you say:"I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say: "Hey, I got those with the system - for free." -Linus Torvalds

Windows(6)

Could somebody close the windows?

Windows(7)

When Windows are opened the bugs come in.

Windows(8)

Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.

Wine(1)

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

Wine(2)

Speed things up, make pre-aged wine from old raisins.

Wino

Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait". -Mitch Hedberg

Wisdom(1)

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. -Confucius

Wisdom(2)

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. -Doug Larson

Wisdom(3)

All true wisdom is discovered in tag lines.

Wisdom(4)

The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated by quotations. -Benjamin Disraeli

Wisdom(5)

Wisdom does not always come with age; sometimes age shows up alone.

Wisdom(6)

Wisdom outweighs any wealth. -Sophocles

Wise(1)

He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato

Wise(2)

I was wise once, when I was born I cried. -Welsh proverb

Wise(3)

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

Wise(4)

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Wise(5)

A wise man once said: I don't know.

Wise(6)

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. -William James

Wise(7)

No man was ever wise by chance. -Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Wish

For everything you wish for me, may you have twice of it.

Witch

Wicked witch parking only -- Violaters will be toad.

Witches

Do witches run spell checkers?

Within

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Witty

A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire

Woman(1)

Whenever you look at a beautiful woman, always remember that somewhere, someone is tired of her.

Woman(2)

WOMAN.ZIP ... Great program, but no documentation!

Wombat

May the Wombat of Happiness snuffle through your underbrush. -Ancient Aborigine blessing

Women(1)

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. -Friedrich Nietsche

Women(2)

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

Wonder

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. -Mark Twain

Wood(1)

Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice.

Wood(2)

When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminium and vinyl.

Wonder

Philosophy begins in wonder. And, at the end, when philosophic tought has done its best, the wonder remains. -A.N. Whitehead

Word(1)

What's another word for thesaurus?

Word(2)

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

Word(3)

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'. -Dan Quayle

Words(1)

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. -Josh Billings

Words(2)

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Words(3)

Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy.

Work(1)

Work Hard; Dress Right; Win the Lottery.

Work(2)

The work expands to fill the processor available to it.

Work(3)

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment. -Robert Benchley

Work(4)

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? -Edgar Bergen

Work(5)

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Work(6)

If you feel the need to work, take a nap and the need will pass. -Russian proverb

Work(7)

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Work(8)

Will work for bandwidth.

Work(9)

I don't work here, I'm a consultant.

Work(10)

Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching... -Richard Leigh

Work(11)

Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

Work(12)

I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours.

Work(13)

Work is ... the curse of the drinking classes.

Works

If it works; always tear it apart and find out why.

Working

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to own your own business and work twelve hours a day. -Robert Frost

World(1)

World, it's time to push the button...

World(2)

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad. -Friedrich Nietsche

World(3)

The world is coming to an end! Please log off.

World(4)

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. -Aldous Huxley

World(5)

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

World(6)

When God created the world, she only tried.

Worm

Confucius say: Early worm have death wish.

Worries

When I look back on all the worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened. -Winston Churchill

Worry(1)

Don't worry, this won't hurt.

Worry(2)

Don't worry, the water will be as smooth as glass.

Worry(3)

Don't worry, that dog won't bite.

Worry(4)

Don't worry, it's just a short easy hike.

Worry(5)

Don't worry, the owner lives out of state.

Worry(6)

Don't worry, your wife don't know.

Worse(1)

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. -Oscar Wilde

Worse(2)

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

Worship

I worship the dirt she treats me like.

Worst(1)

To fear to face an issue is to believe the worst is true. - Ayn Rand

Worst(2)

The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government. -Henry Ward Beecher

Worthless

I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example.

Write(1)

There arte two ways to write error free programs; only the third one works.

Write(2)

Don't write a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.

Writing(1)

Writing is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to those who have none. -Jules Renard

Writing(2)

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. -Robert A. Heinlein

Wrong

I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

Wronged

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. -Confucius

WYSIWIT

WYSIWIT - What You See Is What I Typed.