Sigs

Sigs: F

Face(1)

Keep your face to the sun and the shadows will always be behind you.

Face(2)

Dude you gotta have a poker face like me... woah! 3 aces! -Ted Theodore Logan, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Face(3)

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

Fact(1)

Fact: 3 out of 5 people aren't the other 2.

Fact(2)

A single fact can spoil a good argument.

Fact(3)

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Fact(4)

Fact is solidified opinion.

Facts(1)

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. -Albert Einstein

Facts(2)

The closer you are to the facts of a situation, the more obvious are the errors in all the news coverage of the situation.

Facts(3)

Never mind the facts - I know what I know.

Facts(4)

The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion. -Arnold H. Glasgow

Fag

As everyone knows, a fag is a homosexual gentleman who has just left the room. -Truman Capote

Fail(1)

It is possible to fail in many ways... while to succeed is possible only in one way. -Aristotle

Fail(2)

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Failed

I have not failed. I've just found 10.000 ways that won't work. -Thomas Edison

Failure(1)

Failure is not an option; it comes bundled with Microsoft products.

Failure(2)

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. -William Feather

Failure(3)

Failure is success if we learn from it. -Malcolm Forbes

Fair

If you find yourself in a fair fight you didn't plan your mission properly!

Faith(1)

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

Faith(2)

Faith: not wanting to know what is true. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Faith(3)

Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.

Fairy

People told me I can't dress like a fairy. I say, I'm in a rock band and I can do what the hell I want! -Amy Lee

Fake

Sure a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.

Falsehood

Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented.

Fame

Andy Warhol made fame more famous. -Fran Lebowitz

Families

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. -E.W. Howe

Fanatic

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -Winston Churchill

Fanaticism

Fanaticism: Redoubling effort when your aim is forgotten.

Fashion

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. -George Bernard Shaw

Fast

No matter how fast your PC is, Microsoft will find a way to slow it down.

Faster(1)

Faster than a speeding ticket!

Faster(2)

The faster your computer, the longer it has to wait for you...

Fat

Fat Wars: May the Sauce be with you.

Father(1)

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. -Charles Wadsworth

Father(2)

Your father was a computer... you pointed-eared green-blooded halfbreed.

Fat

She's so fat that when she sings, it's over.

Fault

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Faults(1)

I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.

Faults(2)

To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.

Fax

Fax me no questions and I'll fax you no lies.

Fear(1)

We make an icon of our fear and call it god. -Ingrid Bergman, Seventh Seal.

Fear(2)

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. -Franklin D. Roosevelt

Feather

Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

Feathers

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. -Fight Club

Features

Features should be discovered, not documented.

Feel(1)

'How did you first know you were gay? What did you feel?' Apparently, another girl. -Suzanne Westenhoefer

Feel(2)

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

Fellow

How to Serve Your Fellow Man - A cookery course for cannibal chefs.

Ferengi

A Ferengi is trying to sell us Linux, may I fire?

Ferret

A ferret in the hand is worth two up the trouser leg.

Few

He's a man of few words ... a few words every ten seconds.

Fight(1)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room. -Dr. Strangelove.

Fight(2)

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. -Rodney Dangerfield

Fight(3)

Never fight an inanimate object. -P.J. O'Rourke

Fight(4)

FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals.

File(1)

... File not found. Should I fake it? [Y/N]

File(2)

File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.

Files

FILES=1 BUFFERS=0 FCBS=SAYWHAT BREAK=GIMME

Films

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. -Woody Allen

Find

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Fine(1)

That's fine in practice, but it'll never work in theory.

Fine(2)

A fine is a tax for doing wrong, A tax is a fine for doing well.

Finish(1)

I always finish what I....

Finish(2)

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Finished

A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. - Richard M. Nixon

First(1)

If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

First(2)

Be the first for the feast and the last for the battle. -Tamil proverb

First(3)

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Woman like to be a man's last romance. -Oscar Wilde

First(4)

If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 1.0 .

First(5)

If at first it doesn't work, REBOOT!

First(6)

God created man first because a masterpiece always needs a rough copy.

First(7)

He laughs first who thought the joke was finished.

First(8)

If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.

First(9)

If at first you succeed, don't take any more stupid chances.

Fish(1)

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; give him a freshly-charged electric eel and chances are he won't bother you for anything ever again. -Tanuki

Fish(2)

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. -Mitch Hedberg

Fish(3)

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Fish(4)

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Fish(5)

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Fish(6)

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Fix

Don't try to fix me I'm not broken. -Evanescence

Fixed

If it can't be fixed with duct tape and vise grips, it can't be fixed.

Flashlight

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Flexible

It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless.

Flies(1)

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Flies(2)

Flies spread disease - Keep yours closed!

Flirt

Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for himself.

Flogging

The flogging will continue until morale improves.

Floppy

Floppy not responding, Format HARD DRIVE instead (Y/N)?

Flower

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

Flowers

I hate flowers - I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move. -Georgia O'Keeffe

Fly

All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss. - Douglas Adams

Follow

I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou. -Paul Tomblin

Food

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Foods

What foods these morsels be!

Fool(1)

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Fool(2)

Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.

Fool(3)

Who is more foolish, the fool, or he who follows the fool?

Fool(4)

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Fool(5)

When you argue with a fool, chances are he is doing just the same.

Fool(6)

A fool and his money are soon popular.

Fool(7)

A fool and his money... Hey! Where's my wallet?

Fool(8)

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Fool(9)

When you argue with a fool, chances are that the fool you are arguing with is doing the same.

Fool(10)

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

Fool(11)

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Foolish

Confucius say: 'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

Foolproof(1)

It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

Foolproof(2)

Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Fools(1)

Without fools there would be no wisdom.

Fools(2)

Fools look to tomorrow; wise men use tonight. -Scottish proverb

Force(1)

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Force(2)

Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

FORD

FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily.

Forecast

Tonight's forecast: dark, followed by light.

Forehead

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Forest

Strip minig prevents forest fires.

Forever(1)

He decided to live forever or die in the attempt. -Joseph Heller

Forever(2)

If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?

Forever(3)

Vila: 'I planned to live forever... or die trying'

Forget

There are three things I always forget - names, faces and... the third I can't remember.

Forgive(1)

I do not have to forgive my enemies. I have had them all shot. -Ramon Maria Narvaez, Spanish general

Forgive(2)

Forgive thy enemy. They HATE that!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. -Lily Tomlin

Formatting

Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

Formula

Formula for success: Rise early, work hard, strike oil. -J. Paul Getty

Fortunately

Fortunately, I live in the United States of America, where we are gradually coming to understand that nothing we do is ever our fault, especially if it is really stupid. -Dave Barry

Fortune(1)

Behind every great fortune there is a crime. -Honore de Balzac

Fortune(2)

Fortune tellers are for the poor; psychics are for the rich.

Four

Four minus two is one and the same.

Fractions

5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

Frank

Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name.

Free(1)

If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever. -Doug Horton

Free(2)

A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular. - Stevenson

Free(3)

Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition #38: Free advertising is cheap.

Free(4)

You are free to do as we tell you!

Free(5)

Free the Indianapolis 500.

Freedom(1)

Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. -Mohandas K. Gandhi

Freedom(2)

Laws alone can not secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population. -Albert Einstein.

Freedom(3)

Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility. -Sigmund Freud

Freedom(4)

Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one. -A.J. Liebling

Freedom(5)

Freedom means the opportunity to be what we never thought we would be. -Daniel J. Boorstin

Freedom(6)

Freedom lies in being bold. -Robert Frost

Freedom(7)

When freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will be free.

Frei

Aktivierungskode macht frei!

French(1)

French for deja vu?

French(2)

Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! -Steve Martin

Friction

Friction is a drag.

Fridge

The disorder of the fridge is inevitable, and there's nothing you can do about it, except clean it out before the stuff in the back attains consiousness and unionizes the lunchmeats. -James Lileks

Friend(1)

A friend is the person who knows all about you but still likes you.

Friend(2)

A true friend is somebody who you call at 3 AM and say "I'm in a prison in Mexico" and he replies "No worries, I'll be there in seconds".

Friend(3)

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. -Harry S. Truman

Friend(4)

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ... but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ... that was fun!"

Friend(5)

A friend in need is a friend to avoid.

Friend(6)

A friend in need is a pain indeed.

Friend(7)

A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away. A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.

Friends(1)

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Friends(2)

Friends are these people who ask you how you are and wait for an answer.

Friends(3)

Friends don't let friends use Windows.

Friends(4)

True friends stab you in the front. -Oscar Wilde

Frog

As the frog said, "Time's fun, when you're having flies!

Fruit

Fruit flies like a banana.

Fuel

You, know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it? -Rockhound, Armageddon

Fundamentalism

Fundamentalism means never having to say "I'm wrong".

Funny(1)

It is only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.

Funny(2)

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. -Ellen DeGeneres

Fur

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than bikers.

Future(1)

The future isn't what it used to be. -Yogi Berra

Future(2)

I never worry about the future. It comes soon enough. -Albert Einstein

Future(3)

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. -Arthur Clarke

Future(4)

The future will be better tomorrow. -Dan Quayle

Future(5)

The future has a way of arriving unannounced. -George Will

Future(6)

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -Kehlog Albran

Future

The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. -Robertson Davies