Sigs

Sigs: T

Tact(1)

Tact : The ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.

Tact(2)

Tact is an active quality that is not exercised by merely making a dash for cover. Be sure, when you think you are being extremely tactful, that you are not in reality running away from something you ought to face. - Sir Frank Medlicott

Tact(3)

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. - Howard W. Newton

Tagline(1)

THAT tagline is true --> <-- THAT tagline is false.

Tagline(2)

If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.

Tagline(3)

ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo

Tagline(4)

Hi! I'm a tagline virus - copy me!

Tagline(5)

...this tagline is currently out of order.

Tagline(6)

This tagline is SHAREWARE. To register, send me $10.

Tagline(7)

I bought this tagline with all of my lottery money.

Tagline(8)

Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute!

Tagline(9)

if (isfunny(tagline)) steal(); else next_msg();

Tagline(10)

I know a good tagline when I steal one.

Taglines(1)

Ifyoucanreadthis, youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines.

Taglines(2)

Taglines can be more interesting than messages.

Taglines(3)

All of my REALLY GOOD taglines are one character too lon

Talent

Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.

Talk(1)

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. -Rodney Dangerfield

Talk(2)

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep. - Albert Camus

Talk(3)

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. -Plato

Talk(4)

Anyone who says talk is cheap never hired a lawyer.

Talk(5)

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

Talk(6)

I don't mind how much my Ministers talk, so long as they do what I say. -Margaret Thatcher

Target

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. -Ashleigh Brilliant

Tarzan

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Tastes

I am a man of simple tastes, I am always satisfied with the best.

Tax

I've heard that the government wants to put a tax on the mathematically ignorant. Funny, I thought that's what the lottery was! -Gallagher

Taxes

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Taxpayer

The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service exam. -Ronald Reagan

Teacher

If your teacher tells you to Question Authority. Should you do it?

Teamwork(1)

Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.

Teamwork(2)

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

Teamwork(3)

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Technically

Technically, you'd only need one time traveler convention.

Technicians

Technicians are the only ones that don't trust technology.

Technique

A technique is a trick that works. - Gian-Carlo Rota

Technology

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Television(1)

Television is like the invention of indoor plumbing. It didn't change people's habits. It just kept them inside the house. -Alfred Hitchcock

Television(2)

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home. -David Frost

Television(3)

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. -Homer Simpson

Tell(1)

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Tell(2)

Darling, I want to tell the world about our love! - Certainly the neighbours have heard...

Temperature

No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. -Steven Wright.

Tempers

Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. -Frank Moore Colby

Temptation(1)

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

Temptation(2)

Don't worry about temptation - as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. -Old Farmer's Almanac

Tennis

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're f*cking relentless. -Mick Hedberg

Terminal

A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. - Douglas Adams

Termite

Termite in pub: "Is the bar tender here?"

Terrorism

Terrorism is the war of the poor and war is the terrorism of the rich. -Sir Peter Ustinov

Terrorist

A terrorist is someone with a bomb, but without an air force.

Test(1)

Never test for an error condition you can't solve.

Test(2)

I can tell you from past experience the 291 test isn't so much a certification exam as a Microsoft trivia contest. -zennman1661

Testing

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Texas

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. -Butch Hancock

Theories

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Theory

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they aren't.

Therefore

I am, therefore, I think. I think.

Thesaurus

Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

Thin

I found there was only one way to look thin. Hang out with fat people. -Rodney Dangerfield

Thing

If all else fails, you can always unplug the bloody thing.

Things

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. -Gerald Ford

Think(1)

Have you ever stopped to think, and forget to start again?

Think(2)

I think, therefore I am confused.

Think(3)

You will care much less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do. - Oscar Wilde

Think(4)

Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.

Think(5)

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.

Think(6)

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. -B.F. Skinner

Think(7)

At times I think and at times I am. -Paul Valery

Think(8)

I think... therefore I am confused.

Think(9)

Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us. -Jean Rostand

Think(10)

I think I think, therefore I might be.

Thinker

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions - as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. -Friedrich Nietsche

Thinking(1)

Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself. - Plato

Thinking(2)

Thinking men cannot be ruled. - Ayn Rand

Thinking(3)

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. -George S. Patton

Thinking(4)

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax -Charles Kettering

Thinly

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Thoroughly

If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.

Thou

Thou shalt not admit adultry.

Thought(1)

Big Boy Caprice: Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I'm having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I'm going to have a thought. It's coming. It's coming. ...It's gone.

Thought(2)

A thought for the day is more than most people can handle.

Thoughts(1)

Change your thoughts and you change your world. -Norman Vincent Peale

Thoughts(2)

All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking. - Friedrich Nietsche

Three

There are three types of people in this world: the ones who can count, and those who can't.

Tick

What makes me tick? I don't know, but the noise is driving me nuts.

Tiger(1)

To wake a tiger, use a long stick.

Tiger(2)

Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. -George Bernard Shaw.

Tight

Confucius say: Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

Time(1)

It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.

Time(2)

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. -Hector Berlioz

Time(3)

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. -Woody Allen

Time(4)

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do. -Bill Watterson

Time(5)

Time flies when your having rum.

Time(6)

There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

Time(7)

One of the major problems of time travel is... one of grammar. -The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

Time(8)

Time flies like wind. Fruit flies like pears.

Time(9)

Time flies like wind. Fruit flies like pears.

Time(10)

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. -William Penn

Timetravel(1)

There's no future in timetravel.

Timetravel(2)

A seminar on timetravel will be held last week.

Tip

Tech Tip #132: Have it up and running before you say "just five more minutes."

Toad

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Today

Things to do today: Get up. Survive. Go to bed.

Toilet(1)

Confucius say - 'He who stands on toilet is high on pot'.

Toilet(2)

Make your life like toilet paper, long and useful.

Tolerate

There's only two kinds of people in this world I can't tolerate. People intolerant of other peoples cultures, and Canadians.

Tomb

Confucius say: Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.

Tombs

"Let's visit tombs", said Tom cryptically.

Tomorrow(1)

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Tomorrow(2)

We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. -Dan Quayle

Tomorrow(3)

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.

Tonight

Not tonight honey. I have a modem.

Tool(1)

A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author. - Johnson

Tool(2)

The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course, an automatic weapon.

Tools

The free society willingly provides the tools that the dictatorship needs to control it later.

Top(1)

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Top(2)

"I'll top the cake with sugar," she said icily.

Tortoise

Why did God give the tortoise a drag factor of 0.03?

Tough(1)

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

Tough(2)

When the going gets tough, it's time for a nap.

Tough(3)

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Toy

An inbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Traces

It's impossible to move, to live, to operate at any level without leaving traces, bits, seemingly meaningless fragments of personal information. -William Gibson

Tragedies

There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. -George Bernard Shaw

Tragedy

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. -Mel Brooks

Treachery

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.

Tree

Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

Trees

No trees were killed in the creation of this message; however, many electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Tribble(1)

* <- Tribble      _ <- Tribble vs. Godzilla.

Tribble(2)

* <- Tribble      *..* <- Tribble Family.

Tribble(3)

* <- Tribble      % <- Siamese Twin Baby Tribbles.

Tribble(4)

* <- Tribble      ./* <- Tribble with pet on a leash.

Tribble(5)

* <- Tribble    & <- Tribble practicing Yoga.

Tribble(6)

* <- Tribble    ~ <- Very Drunk Tribble.

Tribble(7)

* <- Trbble     ! <- Tribble With A Mohawk.

Trouble(1)

Trouble is the beginning of disaster. -Russian proverb

Trouble(2)

Don't wake up trouble while trouble is sleeping. -Russian proverb

Trouble(3)

When in trouble, delegate.

Trust(1)

Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

Trust(2)

I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

Trust(3)

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

Trust(4)

In God we trust, all others we monitor.

Trust(5)

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

Truth(1)

Truth is an excuse for a lack of imagination. -Garak in Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Truth(2)

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. -Rodney Dangerfield

Truth(3)

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. -Albert Einstein

Truth(4)

Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense.

Truth(5)

The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?

Truth(6)

Abandon the search for truth: settle on a good fantasy.

Truth(7)

Speak the truth and leave shortly thereafter.

Truth(8)

Truth is so hard to tell, it sometimes needs fiction to make it plausible. -Francis Bacon

Truth(9)

The truth is out there... does anyone know the URL?

Truth(10)

Truth, in matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived. - Oscar Wilde

Truths(1)

All great truths begin as blasphemies. -George Bernard Shaw

Truths(2)

All great truths begin as blasphemies. -George Bernard Shaw

Try

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -Yoda

Trying

Trying is the first step towards failure. -Homer Simpson

Tubby

Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!

Tuna

Tuna just doesn't taste the same without the dolphins!

Turkeys

God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Turnout

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. -Dan Quayle

Turtle

Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Typos

Typos? Blame the cat.

Tyranny

Men will opt for tyranny when chaos is clawing at the edge of their survival. They will forfeit their liberty in hopes of establishing stability. -Nelson Hultberg