Sigs

Sigs: O

Object

I object to sex on TV. I keep falling off!

Observation

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -George Bernard Shaw

Obsession

Sex: In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. -Marlene Dietrich

Obsessive

There's no point in being obsessive compulsive unless you are consistent about it.

Occasional

I suffer occasional delusions of adequacy.

Offend

He who dares not offend cannot be honest. -Thomas Paine

Offenders

Stop Repeat Offenders! Don't Re-elect Them!

Office

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lightning.

Oil

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Old(1)

The good old days: When sex was dirty & Michael Jackson was black.

Old(2)

You're only as old as you feel... the next day.

Old(3)

I'm old enough to remember when sex was dirty and the air was clean.

Old(4)

It is not how old you are, but how you are old. -Marie Dressler

Old(5)

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Old(6)

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. -Bob Hope

Old(7)

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. -P.J. O'Rourke

Old(8)

There are more old drunkards than old doctors. - Benjamin Franklin

Older

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong

Omelette

One can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, but it's amazing how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.

Omit

Omit needless, redundant, unnecessary, repetitive words.

One(1)

The ONE who knows HOW will always have a JOB; The ONE who knows WHY will always be his BOSS.

One(2)

One leader, one people signifies one master and millions of slaves. -Albert Camus

Online

ONLINE? Good! Hit <ALT-H>lt; to take the IQ test...

Only(1)

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. -Confucius

Only(2)

I think I'm pretty much like you, only successful.

Only(3)

This ONLY is denied God: The power to undo the past. -Ambrose Bierce

Open

Cannot open CATFOOD.CAN . Eat MS Mouse instead? (Y/N)

Operate

"We'll have to operate," the medic said cuttingly.

Operator

Operator! Give me the number for 911! -Homer Simpson

Opinion(1)

The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.

Opinion(2)

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Opinion(3)

Just my opinion (But I'm right).

Opinion(4)

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed in this opinion do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the highly-opinionated person expressing the opinion in the first place. So there!

Opinion(5)

If I wanted your opinion, I would have given it to you.

Opinion(6)

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

Opinions(1)

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Opinions(2)

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them. -George H.W. Bush

Opinions(3)

All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others. -Douglas Adams

Opponent

When faced by a superior opponent, cheat.

Opportunity(1)

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. -Winston Churchill

Opportunity(2)

Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers.

Opportunity(3)

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Opportunity(4)

If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.

Opportunity(5)

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. -Milton Berle

Opposite(1)

The opposite of a false statement is a correct statement. The opposite of a profound truth, may well be another profound truth.

Opposite(2)

If pro is the opposite of con, then isn't progress the opposite of congress. -Keith Avery

Optical

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Optimist(1)

It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.

Optimist(2)

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.

Optimist(3)

Pessimist's definition of an Optimist: Someone who knows today is so bad, tomorrow has just got to be better.

Optimist(4)

I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.

Organized

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat! -Will Rogers

Orgasm

Orgasm: jumping to conclusions.

Originality(1)

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. -Dr. Laurence J. Peter

Originality(2)

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Originality(3)

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgement.

Other

On the other hand, you also have five fingers.

Out(1)

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. -Homer Simpson

Out(2)

Out of mind. Back in five minutes.

Out(3)

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Outdoor

I always preferred the outdoor life...hunting...shooting...fishing...getting out there with a gun and slaughtering a few of God's creatures. -Monty Python

Outfit

That's a great outfit you're wearing . . . I have just the perfect hanger for it.

Outlook

I picked up a Magic-8-Ball the other day and it said 'Outlook not so good.' I said 'Sure, but Microsoft still ships it.'

Outside

Today I went outside. My pupils have never been tinier...

Over

It's not over until the FAT table sings.

Oversexed

Oversexed paople are just more prone...

Ovicipitum

Via ovicipitum dura est. (The way of the egghead is hard.)

Owls(1)

When it rains do owls find it too wet to woo?

Owls(2)

He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.

Owned

Being owned by someone used to be called slavery. Now it's called commitment.

Oxymoron

New oxymoron: final beta.

Oysters

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. -Woody Allen