Sigs

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sigsSigs (signatures/handtekeningen) zijn de vaak humoristische quotes/oneliners die mensen onderaan hun email zetten, ze worden ook wel taglines genoemd. Onderaan alle 'sigs' pagina's kun je klikken op 'next' zodat je als je dat wilt eenvoudig alle 'sigs' pagina's achter elkaar kunt lezen. De sigs die ik verzamel zijn allemaal engelstalig en veel sigs hebben iets met computers te maken. Welke sigs je leuk vindt hangt af van je gevoel voor humor en dat is bij ieder mens weer anders.
Vergeet niet om ook een berichtje achter te laten in het gastenboek:

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Sigs: C

C(1)
If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
C(2)
C program run. C program crash. C programmer cry.
C++
The last good thing written in C++ was the Pachelbel Canon. -Jerry Olson
Cactus
If you drop a cactus, don't try to catch it!
Calf
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen
California(1)
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. -Dan Quayle
California(2)
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. -Fred Allen
Call
Your call will be answered in the order it was ignored.
Calm
Calm down - it's only ones and zeroes.
Camel(1)
Camel: Horse designed by committee.
Camel(2)
When you've seen one camel driver, you've seen Ahmal.
Camel(3)
A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane. -Jackie Kennedy
Camels(1)
9 out of 10 men who tried camels prefer women.
Camels(2)
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. -Joe E. Lewis
Camping
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. -Dave Barry
Can
I can, therefore I am. -Simone Weil
Candle
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Cannibal
Cannibal: One who gets fed up with people.
Capital
Tech Support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Capitalism
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. - Keynes
Capricorn
CAPRICORN: The stars say you're an exiting and wonderful person... but you know they're lying. If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never leave my house again. -Weird Al
Capslock
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
Career
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Car(1)
I want a car the color of dirt.
Car(2)
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Car(3)
Never buy a car you can't push.
Car(4)
How would a car function if it were designed like a computer? Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine, and the airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. -Katie Hafner
Card(1)
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Card(2)
The American Express Card of Borg. Don't Assimilate without it.
Care(1)
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
Care(2)
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
Care(3)
Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
Care(4)
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company.
Care(5)
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Careful(1)
A man is usually more careful of his money than he is of his principles. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Careful(2)
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun. -Homer Simpson
Careful(3)
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
Carrier
Drop your carrier... we have you surrounded!
Carrots
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up. -Mitch Hedberg
Cartoon
I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it.
Cat(1)
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
Cat(2)
Curiosity killed the cat. Passing interest only injured him.
Cat(3)
If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. -Mark Twain
Cat(4)
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull this tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -Albert Einstein
Cat(5)
The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.
Cat(6)
What did you do to the cat? It looks half-dead. -Schroedinger's wife
Cat(7)
I just spent four hours burying the cat. ... it wouldn't keep still.
Cat(8)
Cat: Furry keyboard cover.
Cat(9)
Cat game number 5. Fit into the smallest space possible.
Catholic
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by resorting to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. -H.L. Mencken
Cats(1)
People that hate cats were mice in a former life.
Cats(2)
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotton this.
Cats(3)
Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you later. -Mary Bly
Cats(4)
Cats - the other white meat.
Cats(5)
So many cats. So few recipes.
Cats(6)
Radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives.
Cats(7)
I love cats... they taste just like chicken.
Cats(8)
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. -Paula Poundstone
Cats(9)
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. -Missy Dizick
Cats(10)
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. -Garrison Keillor
Cause(1)
At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid. -Friedrich Nietsche
Cause(2)
The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments. -Friedrich Nietsche
Caution(1)
CAUTION: Dangerous and off Medication...
Caution(2)
Caution: This tagline stops for page breaks.
Celebrity
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault. -Henry Kissinger
Censored
This sig censored by the Office of Home and Land Insecurity.
Censorship(1)
The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it. -John Gilmore
Censorship(2)
The worst thing about censorship is <<CENSORED>>...
Cereal
Breakfast.sys halted - Cereal port not responding.
Certain(1)
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -Bertrand Russel
Certain(2)
Three things are certain: death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred...
Certainty
To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. -Bertrand Russell
Chance
You don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
Change(1)
Change is inevitable, progress is not.
Change(2)
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi
Change(3)
If you don't change your life today... tomorrow will be the same as yesterday!
Change(4)
Change is inevitable. Progress is optional.
Change(5)
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Change(6)
Change before you have to. -Jack Welch
Change(7)
Change politicians and diapers often -- for the same reason.
Change(8)
Nothing endures but change
Change(9)
Most woman set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. -Marlene Dietrich
Change(10)
The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress. - Charles Kettering
Charity
Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins.
Charming
I'm charming, but I dip into the Prozac now and then. -Jim Carrey
Chasm
Do Not Attempt to Traverse a Chasm in Two Leaps.
Chastity
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Cheap
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
Cheese
Cheese: Milk's leap toward immortality. -Clifton Fadiman
Check(1)
Who cashed my reality check?
Check(2)
Pardon me while I check with God.
Checkers
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. -Dennis Miller
Chemicals
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -Dave Barry
Chemistry
Chemistry is fun. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt. -Willow in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Chess(1)
Chess champion blames stalemate for divorce.
Chess(2)
I failed to make the chess team because of my height. -Woody Allen
Chewing
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps to get out of bed in the morning.
Chicken(1)
If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you eat me, do I not taste of chicken?
Chicken(2)
The chicken crossed the road to lay in the sunshine.
Chicken(3)
The chicken crossed the road to watch the builders laying bricks.
Child
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. -Groucho Marx
Childhood
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Childproofed
I recently childproofed my house, but somehow they still keep getting in.
Children(1)
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller
Children(2)
All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day. -Franklin P. Jones
Children(3)
Dear, do you think we should tell the children when we move?
Children(4)
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. -P.J. O'Rourke
Children(5)
Children are a renewable resource. They can be created cheaply by an unskilled, untrained work force; and the lack of workmanship shows in many cases. -Marten Kemp
Children(6)
Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Chips(1)
When the chips are down the computer won't work.
Chips(2)
Computer chips are small because computers don't eat much.
Chips(3)
Are RAM chips better than EWE chips?
Choice(1)
What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world. -Albert Einstein
Choice(2)
I have no choice but to believe in free will. -Randy Wayne White
Christ
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike Christ. -Mohandas Gandhi
Christianity
In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point. -Friedrich Nietsche
Christmas
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not to be a child. -Erma Bombeck
Church(1)
The Christian church, in its attitude toward science, shows the mind of a more or less enlightened man of the Thirteenth Century. It no longer believes that the earth is flat, but it is still convinced that prayer can cure after medicine fails. -H.L. Mencken
Church(2)
Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car.
Church(3)
Every day people are straying away from the church and are going back to God. -Lenny Bruce
Church(4)
The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion. - Fred Allen
Cigarettes
Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.
Circular
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
City
A great city is not to be confounded with a populous one. -Aristotle
Civilian
What were you in civilian life? "HAPPY, SIR!"
Clap
Clap on <clap><clap>Clap off<clap><clap>NO CARRIER
Clear
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Cleavage
Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away. -Seinfeld
Cliches
Avoid cliches like the plague; they're a dime a dozen.
Cliff
Confucius say: Man who leaps off cliff, jumps to conclusion.
Climate
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. -Mark Twain
Climbing
"Live to lie about it." Lowrey's first law of climbing
Clock(1)
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Clock(2)
A clock is an instrument to deliver time in chronological order.
Clod
Any clod can have the facts - having opinions is an art.
Close(1)
Close your eyes and press escape three times...
Close(2)
I came real close to seeing Elvis once, but my shovel broke.
Clothes
Always keep clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
Clusters
... going where no clusters have gone before.
COBOL(1)
Remember: COBOL can be cured if detected early.
C.O.B.O.L.(2)
C.O.B.O.L. - Completely Obsolete Boring Old Language.
Cocaine(1)
I'm not addicted to cocaine... I just like the way it smells. -Richard Pryor
Cocaine(2)
Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money. -Robin Williams
Code(1)
Downsizing the code?!? Don't you have DOUBLESPACE?!?
Code(2)
C code. C code run. Run code, run. Please?
Coffee(1)
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, cafeine, sugar, and fat. -Alex Levine
Coffee(2)
Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love. -Turkish proverb
Coffee(3)
Get me some coffee and then ask me in ten minutes.
Cogito
Cogito, ergo Hormel ... I think, therefore I Spam.
Collaboration
Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better. -Andre Gide
College
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
Colour
Colour is a pigment of your imagination.
Comedians
Comedians of the world unite - you have nothing to lose but your gags.
Comedy
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. -Peter Ustinov
Commas
The gratuitous, usage, of, commas, is, really really really annoying, to, read.
Commercially
The best thing commercially, which is the worst artistically, by and large, is the most successful. -Orson Welles
Comet
Comet smashes Jupiter! Congress and President blame each other!
Command
Command, n: Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
Commitment
I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm monogamously challenged!
Committee(1)
Committee: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Committee(2)
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
Common(1)
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by the age 18. -Albert Einstein
Common(2)
On this team, we're all united on a common goal, to keep my job. -Lou Holtz
Communication(1)
Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Communication(2)
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. -Peter F. Drucker
Communication(3)
The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.
Communist
A communist is someone who reads Marx and Lenin. An anti-communist is someone who understands Marx and Lenin.
Compatible
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Compatibles
PC Compatibles aren't.
Compiled
It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it!
Complain
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily. -in a hotel in Athens
Complaints
Complaints? Write them here legibly []<-
Complete
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
Complexes
A man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world. -Sigmund Freud
Complexity
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Computer(1)
You know you've spent too much time on the computer when you spill milk and the first thing you think is 'edit, undo.'
Computer(2)
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Computer(3)
I'm in the computer business - I make Out-of-Order signs.
Computer(4)
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
Computer(5)
A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. -Joseph Campbell
Computer(6)
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -Weisert
Computers(1)
Computers are like airconditioning, once you open windows they are useless.
Computers(2)
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -Asimov
Computers(3)
Computers will help us to solve problems we wouldn't have without them.
Computers(4)
Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it.
Computers(5)
Computers don't laugh at a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.
Computers(6)
Computers have made possible a thousand mistakes every second.
Computers(7)
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. -Janet Reno
Computers(8)
If it weren't for computers we'd probably be in bed at a decent hour.
Computers(9)
Computers rule 01001111 01001011
Conclusion
A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking. -Arthur Bloch
Condemning
I'm not saying that the religious right is wrong for condemning homosexuals and terrorizing them for thousands of years. I'm just saying... FUUUUCK YOU. -Christina Applegate
Condom
I've seen condom vending machines, but this one installs.
Conferences
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
Confidence
It is a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his. -Benjamin Franklin
Confused
I'm not confused; I'm between paradigms.
Confusion
I never add to the confusion, I just enhance it.
Congress(1)
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. -Victor Hugo
Congress(2)
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Congress(3)
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?
Congress(4)
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they make a law it's a joke. -Will Rogers
Confused
Anyone who isn't confused doesn't really know what's going on.
Conquer
To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. -Bertrand Russell
Conscience(1)
The man with a clear conscience probably has a poor memory.
Conscience(2)
Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to find out.
Conscience(3)
Conscience: Something that feels terrible when every thing else feels swell.
Conscience(4)
A conscience is what hurts when all other parts feel so good.
Consciousness
Consciousness: that annoying period between naps.
Conservative(1)
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. -Franklin D. Roosevelt
Conservative(2)
Conservative: A liberal who just got mugged.
Conservatives(1)
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. -John Stuart Mill.
Conservatives(2)
Yes, with its tolerant society, low crime rate, and free health care, Canada is hell on earth for conservatives. -Samantha Bee: The Daily Show
Consistency
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
Constant(1)
One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis
Constant(2)
Constant change is here to stay.
Constipated
98% of all constipated people don't give crap.
Consultant
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
Consultants
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
Consulting
Consulting: If you're not part of the solution, there's money to be made by prolonging the problem.
Consumer
The consumer isn't a moron, she is your wife. -David Ogilvy
Contain
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Continue
Hit any user to continue.
Control(1)
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. -Mario Andretti
Control(2)
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
Control(3)
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Convince
If you can't convince them, confuse them. -Harry S. Truman
Cool
I'm not a cool person in real life, but I play one on the Internet. -Galley
Copy
Sure I know how to copy disks. Where's the Xerox machine?
Corner
I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk
Corrupt
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. -Friedrich Nietsche
Cost
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent.
Cough
For a bad cough, take a strong laxative: you won't DARE cough!
Country
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. -Steven Wright
Courage(1)
Courage without conscience is a wild beast. -Robert G. Ingersoll
Courage(2)
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. -Mark Twain.
Courage(3)
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. -Harold Wilson
Courage(4)
A great part of courage is the courage of having done the thing before. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cover
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
Covers
I do note with interest that old woman in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted. -Terry Pratchett.
Cow
My cow died so I don't need your bull anymore!
Coward(1)
It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.
Coward(2)
Better a coward for a minute than dead forever.
Cows(1)
Stock Exchange News: Cows steered into a bull market.
Cows(2)
When cows laugh, does milk come out their noses?
Craftmanship
Nothing says poor craftmanship more than wrinkled duct tape.
Crap
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Crappy
The problem is not that we make crappy products. The problem is that people buy our crappy products.
Crazy
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. -Rodney Dangerfield
Creativity(1)
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. -Albert Einstein
Creativity(2)
Creativity is the subtle theft of another's ideas. -Jim Oblak
Creativity(3)
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Creativity(4)
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. -Scott Adams
Creature
Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is. - Albert Camus
Creditors
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Crime
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Crisis
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. -Henry A. Kissinger
Critic
A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. -Kenneth Tynan
Criticism
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. -Elbert Hubbard
Criticize
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Critics
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. - Brendan Behan
Crook
I'm not a crook; I'm 'ethically challenged."
Crossroads
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen
Cruel
And whose cruel idea was it to put an S in the word lisp?
Cry
A real man doesn't cry. He whines.
Cult
A cult is a religion with no political power.
Cup
Coffee.Exe Missing - Insert Cup And Press Any Key.
Cure(1)
Is there an imaginary cure for hypochondria?
Cure(2)
There is still no cure for the common birthday. -John Glenn
Cure(3)
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. -Spike Milligan
Curiosity(1)
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. -Albert Einstein
Curiosity(2)
Curiosity skilled the cat.
Curiosity(3)
Curiosity? Nah, I got that cat with the mower.
Curiosity(4)
Curiosity may have killed Schrodinger's cat.
Cursor
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
Customer
Customer: I'm running Windows '98.
Tech: Yes.
Customer: My computer isn't working now.
Tech: Yes, you said that.
Cute
Cute lamb sucks two ewes. -Serbian proverb
Cyberspace(1)
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
Cyberspace(2)
Cyberspace can be like a black hole. Stuff gets sucked in, never seen again.
Cyberspace(3)
Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as "Virusses," "Worms," "Trojan Horses," and "licensed Microsoft software" that can take over your computer and render it useless. -Dave Barry
Cynical
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. -George S. Patton

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